What is Sexual Violence?

Most people will condemn rape or sexual violence. Yet, what is “rape” to one person may be defined as “bad sex” by another. What is seen as sexually violent by one person may be seen as normal behavior by another. Or, the severity of an alleged incident may be seen differently – for example, defined as “rape” (more serious), by some and “sexual assault” (less serious) by others, and perhaps "taking advantage" (even less serious) to still others.

How do you define sexual violence? How does your peer group define it? Here is some information to consider, followed by our own simple definition.

The following definition is adapted from Men Stopping Violence. We offer it as another simple but powerful way to look at the problem:

A simple definition: Sexual Violence =Entitlement + Tactics =Effects

Let’s break it down:

• Sexual Violence: This term is broad. It includes sexual harassment, incest and childhood sexual abuse, and sexual exploitation, in addition to those behaviors commonly called “rape” or “sexual assault.” Sexually violent behavior can be physical, emotional, verbal, or a combination (see below).

• Entitlement: An attitude or set of beliefs that drives sexually aggressive behavior. These specific attitudes and beliefs are part of a general sense of entitlement, usually learned from the larger culture. Entitlement is different from having a strong desire or wish; entitlement puts one’s wants and needs above others, potentially at the expense of the rights and boundaries of others. When it comes to sex, such attitudes and beliefs can be overt or subtle. Below are examples of beliefs that reflect entitlement and are used to justify sexual violence (These are examples of sexual violence against women, which is usually committed by men).

• “That bitch got what she deserved”
• “I never take ‘no’ for an answer”
• “She calls it ‘rape,’ but she wanted it”
• “A real man ‘calls the shots’ in his relationship”
• “When women say ‘no,’ they really mean ‘yes’ or ‘maybe’”
• “I’m just ‘playing the game’”
• “It’s a man’s job to take the initiative when it comes to sex”

• Tactics: If a person expects to have his or her way and considers having his or her way more important than the rights or desires of others (i.e. feels entitled), this requires gaining power and control toward/over others. We refer to behaviors that create an imbalance of power between people or seek control over others as "tactics". The repeated use of power and control tactics is a clear sign of a sense of entitlement – but any time such tactics are used, they are coercive and incompatible with consent. These tactics can be physical, emotional, verbal, or a combination. Below are some examples:

• Using verbal pressure
• Playing mind games – e.g., making a partner feel guilty
• Giving someone alcohol or drugs to make them less likely to resist sexual advances
• Making someone afraid by using looks or gestures
• Making threats
• Displaying or using a weapon

• Effects: In attempting to distinguish sexual violence from other kinds of sexual behavior, look at how the person who is the target of the behavior is affected by the behavior. When a person is the target of sexually aggressive behavior, they may or may not call what happened “rape” but they inevitably feel violated. Sexually violent behavior is behavior of a sexual nature that makes the target feel vulnerable, demeaned, afraid, or a combination of these feelings (survivors’ responses can vary significantly). In the short-term and long-term, sexual violence can profoundly disrupt a person’s life, including:

• Inability to sleep or sleeping too much
• Thoughts or attempts of suicide
• “Hyper-vigilance” (extreme watchfulness)
• Abuse of drugs or alcohol
• Constant feelings of fear and anxiety
• Loss of relationships
• Distrust of self or others
• Loss of interest in sexual intimacy
• Inability to study or work
  

Power and Control Wheel

Developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
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