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Voice HOME
: For Men
: Consent
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Consent: How do I get it?
What is consent?
A key concept in the GT policy and in most definitions of sexual violence is consent, contrasted with force/coercion. To clarify, it may be useful to think of consent in three parts:
1. The context for consent is that each person is equally free to act. That is, no one feels intimidated or afraid; no one is incapacitated; no one is under the threat of punishment or reward.
2. Consent=agreement, giving permission to say "yes"-in the above context.
3. It is the responsibility of the person who initiates sexual activity to: (1) make sure they have done everything possible to create the above context; and then (2) received consent. Consent to some sexual activity (e.g. kissing) is not consent to all sexual activity.
The following table contrasts consensual sex or flirting with coercive sex or sexual harassment.
Consensual Sex/Flirting |
Coercive Sex/Sexual Harassment |
| People involved are mutually active and aware |
One person overcomes reticence or resistance of other(s) |
| Involves clear and open communication |
Involves verbal pressure, manipulation, physical assault, drugs/alcohol |
| Tends to be playful and affectionate |
Is exploitative and "cold" |
| While not perfect, is fulfilling and empowering |
Is frightening, degrading, and/or humiliating |
How can I get consent?
The above table suggests that consensual sex is much more fulfilling and erotic than coercive sex. In addition, sexual violence often goes hand in hand with poor communication. Our discomfort with talking honestly and openly about sex dramatically raises the risk of sexual violence. By learning effective sexual communication-stating your desires clearly, listening to your partner, and asking when a situation is unclear, you can make sex safer for you and your partner. Read more in the "Healthy Relationships" section to find out how you can have more fulfilling sexual relationships.
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